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| Character is who you are when nobody is watching. | |
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I've been complaining about the lack of storms in my life recently. Ever since I started leading small groups in Katipunan, I've been asking God if I'm doing a good job. I mean if I'm effectively advancing against enemy territory, shouldn't the enemy be running scared? Why then am I not feeling it? Two people I know have that ability to say what I need to hear, although I don't usually appreciate it at the time. That's Jen, my discipler, and my dad. I saw my dad when he got back from a year of research outside the country. He told me two things:1. Don't go looking for trouble. You'll find it.2. There are some fortunate Xians who have uneventful walks with God. No cancers, no weird deaths in the family, no threats of burning at the stake. Just normal lives. (Oh how I hate the word normal, but my dad does have a point.) Like Billy Graham. A storm-free life isn't a bad thing. I also grumbled to Kuya Jon and he said that this season is maybe just the eye of the storm, the quiet that comes right before intense shaking. I'm getting excited for France, but also a little scared. What kind of shaking does God have prepared for me then? Even the tranquil (ceasefire?) now is a kind of shaking for me. Jen (I love being under the leadership of this woman!) told me that this season of waiting is for me a shaking. Especially for those like us who are very action-oriented, just waiting on God to carry out the work He has started is an exercise of patience. I just have to try to be still, not to jump and look over the hedges he has placed around me, and just keep my eyes on the Father, not on the chaos around me. I have a tendency to lose today by obsessing about the past or planning too much about the future. Today has enough troubles of its own, and enough adventures too! Aren't we glad that His mercies are new every morning?! Recently I stumbled. Or to be exact I jumped eyes-open into a wide pit with gaping jaws and surrounded by sharp teeth. Twice. The first time my conscience was grating in my ear, beeping as irritatingly as the sirens outside my window. The second time my conscience was just a little blush in my cheek, quieter. It's funny how easily our conscience can get programmed if we go against it once and try to use our powers of reasoning with or against it. That's what happens when you take your eyes of the Father, have a look at the chaos around, and start joining the looting mob. I think that's why I got sick. Divine disciplining. I knew how David felt when he said, "When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long. For day and night your hand was heavy upon me; My strength was sapped as in the heat of summer." (Psalm 32:3-4) But thank God that David doesn't stop there! "Then I instructed my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, 'I will confess my transgressions to the Lord" --And you forgave the guilt of my sin." (Psalm 32:5) I am so glad for the gift of grace, for forgiveness, for the times of refreshing that are sure to follow if we only turn our eyes back to God! | |
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